What 2013 actually was

It is suggested that the year was nothing short of epic for me. How can I not agree? My sails were hit by turbulence from day one. I gained new experiences, broke a few things, found one. Here's to summing up 2013.

Broken things.

First, there was the breakup. I had thought that a relationship was always supposed to have marriage in mind, and that two people should go through thick and thin together no matter what. I held on to it even when there was little meaning left. The consolation is that we parted ways in good faith, up to this day. There were lessons learned. I learned that resilience was not the answer to everything; some things you must let go. I learned that love and respect remedied any bitter feelings that possibly stemmed from a breakup. 

After the breakup resolutions were made. Among them, the want for travel. And also to stay single for a while, well, definitely for the rest of 2013. Solitude was something I wanted to master.

But something inside my core ruptured. I used to be quick to forgive, and I didn't know how to hold grudges. Later in the year I would discover that putting things behind me has become hard. The cold steel of my arguments is what I work with now. 'Nice and proper' aren't my terms anymore. It could be that I am tired of all the dirt thrown at me and it seems that I am retaliating, not leaving it up to God. Just earlier last year I remember being fine. I remember one of my first encounters of prejudice against Sarawakians. In an inter-church thing (yes, let's go to church), a bright aunty who taught add maths decided to strike a conversation with me. Along the way, to her surprise, I was Sarawakian! Oh golly how could these hoots know English! She then began her quest to figure it all out, dismissing my suggestion that it was a historically common medium for Sarawakians yadayada - my whole social circle knew how to speak English. Finally she had a brainwave! Why of course, I have worked a month here. What a wonderful colleagues I have who care to teach me English! I didn't even so much as offer a snide remark then. Part of me wishes that happened around now, with the new found firebrand in me. 

Change

I had been living in a room not much better than a box with a window that was closed most of the time. The idea was broached by a friend in a random meet up. And suddenly I was living in something that had some semblance to a room. There were people to talk to, a dog to play with, roti canai sessions ... and I cooked. I fried stuff. 

My passion for debate returned. It had been dead right about the time I left college with badminton trudging in. Although it has taken a hiatus since that fiery start, the surge of interest in apologetics and philosophy continues. 

Travel 

2013 has marked the first time I did any long distance driving. There was Ipoh, Kedah, and Cameron. Other destinations include Sunway Lagoon, KL (twice), Hatyai (where I finally got my childhood wish of eating worms, grasshoppers and crickets). Traveling is all about stashing up a repertoire of life experiences. Some though, aren't pleasant. With Hatyai came a tale of untold suffering, where I mistook a cili padi for a juicy, succulent worm in a dark van in the middle of nowhere. It seems that my resolution to travel is fulfilled even without me trying.

Conflict 

I remember being grateful that my life had no big dramas. I even started to doubt the validity of personality clashes. This year though, I had a few. Much of it happened when I was voluntarily giving out; when I felt that the other end was receiving it wrongly. Fully aware that giving does not involve an expectation of repayment, I wasn't expecting any. But I took issue when it was taken for granted. The first such clash was when I was criticized when playing the piano for church. But I guess that happens. Humans have always been masters of criticism and very poor doers. The 2nd clash came when I found some time for breakfast during Sunday School. I was told off for leaving the premises even during a time when I was not functionally needed. The reason being that every Sunday School teacher's 'presence' was important (even when they were sitting around doing nothing), and any lack of it will do considerable harm to morale. I vehemently contested that service can still be effective without ONE Sunday School teacher who was not on duty anyway. Since I am being stretched to serve in the main service as well, I suggested that it also served to energize (breakfast & coffee!) me. It ended in tears for the aunty and bewilderment for me.

The 3rd one was that of being treated like what I term a 'Global Citizen'. I was devoting some part of my personal schedule to training a debate club after being pulled in by my house mate. I didn't know it was part of a trainer's job in ensuring everyone had a good time at the movies. I didn't know I was obliged to be a good moderator in ensuring quality conversation, making sure each 21 year old was actively engaged. Woe is me if someone felt ignored! That I was at fault for not conversing with my back passenger as much as I did my front passenger. That I was at fault for making my passengers walk 20 metres to my car after offering to drive. I'd always imagined that I was devoting some of my own time to them, for free. A debate trainer who drove them from the hostels to dinner, then to the training venue, for supper, then back to their hostels, for free. I didn't know that I was viewed as a paid nanny. This was really a culture shock for me as much of the 15 year olds back home didn't act like that. I vented to Brendan (the other Global - erm, trainer) in frustration at the state of church girls (as that was the common denominator). He theorized that all those years of being entitled to queen's treatment and stepping on the heads of kind church aunties and uncles made the girls very expectant. Queens quite naturally viewed everyone else as subjects. 

The next incident came quite after that. It was no different. I was asked to provide transportation for some youths on a Saturday morning to a rice museum. And so I drove some 150 km through the interstate heat and then 150 km back. I'd imagine that I had at least a right to select which songs to play in my very own vehicle that I am paying for through my nose. That notion remains a figment of my imagination. The youth asked nicely 3 times on whether she could have her choices, so I declined 3 times in clear language backed up by clear rationale (that much I could offer) - I am the driver and the undisputed, unelected, tyrannical despot of my car. Unperturbed by the function of speech and the underlying message of my communique, the youth carried on. She, then proceeded to pout and called mum (I was thinking that there must be a different formula to age in these parts. Divide by 2 perhaps.). As an end resort, she turned up the volume of her phone and blasted Justin Bieber or something through the speakers for much of the way back with no regards to the sick passenger at the back - who was a seeker and a guest of the church. To make the trip bearable, I turned off my selection. Shock and awe, anyone? Nonetheless, her mum had a few justifications. 

I am told that she asked nicely 3 times. But I don't remember 'niceness' as being a currency to agreement, especially when it is done in the pretext of soliciting a favour. I am told that perhaps when there are people in my car, they are my guests and should be treated as such. Just because. You are compelled to wake up on a Saturday morning after a rough week, fill up your tank even with rising fuel prices, drive them safely 150 km to and fro being 110% alert on the road, so they can have fun - and ... they are your guests. I trust my upbringing that when someone is willing to give you a lift; YOU go out of your way to accommodate them. Ah, But, but then...her dad - yeah, her dad may buy into manipulative gooey eyed expressions that I deem ridiculous. Too bad. 'Understand' that her day was less than ideal? Ask me about my day, if I could get much sleep the night before, or for the past week! 

No, it gets better. Well she, is a girl. And girls should be treated with luv. I wanted to slap myself, then slap her, then slap my friend who was with us in attempt to wake us all up from this drunken charade. But there was a newborn around and I didn't want to wake it, because I have luv. Isn't this the very reason her son has such low self esteem? Because males do not deserve the measure of 'luv' females do. Because they have an obligation to put their sisters on pedestals - made up of their heads. Oh, but you must understand...she is only 18. 18? Is 18 the new 9? Can I please go and flip some burgers? 

Wait...Paul...is wanting attention...wrong? (Supply this line with an absolutely hurt, gooey eyed expression with just the right amount of quiver to the voice) Aww. Nah, wanting attention is not wrong. Excuse me while I just bomb somewhere to get some. 

And what's an end to a post without one final, epic, quote:

"But as her mom, I'm not trying to defend her."

Some programming project I had, such a naughty teenager I was

#include "winbgim.h"
#include
#define PAIKIA 3.14159265358979323846
struct BoomBoomBoom
{
int x1, x2, y1, y2;

};

struct dude
{

int x_o;
int y_o;
double JamesBond;
int whatcoloramI;
int fill_whatcoloramI;
int wherewherewhere[6];
};

void Bogeyman(struct BoomBoomBoom PikachuIchooseU[]);

void hihihi(int whatcoloramI, int fillWhatcoloramI, int dog, int dawg[]);

void Frodo(double meowmeow, float JamesBond, int KariAyam[]);

int main()
{
initwindow(640, 480); //open a 640x480 graphics window
outtextxy (20, 40, "Press Cicakman key to quit");
int Xman[]={60,60,130,60};
int weeeeeeeeeee[]={60,60,60,130};
struct BoomBoomBoom pikapika[4];
Bogeyman(pikapika);

struct dude woohoo;
woohoo.whatcoloramI = RED;
woohoo.fill_whatcoloramI = BLUE;
woohoo.wherewherewhere[0] = 30;
woohoo.wherewherewhere[1] = 0;
woohoo.wherewherewhere[2] = -30;
woohoo.wherewherewhere[3] = 10;
woohoo.wherewherewhere[4] = -30;
woohoo.wherewherewhere[5] = -10;
woohoo.x_o = woohoo.y_o = 0;




int Spiderman2 = 320;/*half from the windows*/
int Cicakman2 = 240;
int i = 0;
int i1;
int AlakazamOnline[6];

setcolor(WHITE);
fillpoly(2,Xman);
fillpoly(2,weeeeeeeeeee);
outtextxy(130,60, "0");
outtextxy(60,130, "90");

setfillstyle(1,WHITE);

for (i1=0; i1<6 i1="" p="">{
if (i1 %2 == 0) AlakazamOnline[i1] = woohoo.wherewherewhere[i1] + Spiderman2;
else AlakazamOnline[i1] = woohoo.wherewherewhere[i1] + Cicakman2;
}

while(!kbhit())
{


Frodo(5.0, 0.0, AlakazamOnline);

while(AlakazamOnline[6] > 440 )
{
Frodo(5.0, 90.0, AlakazamOnline);
}



hihihi(YELLOW, LIGHTBLUE, 3, AlakazamOnline);



delay(40);/*wait 40 miliseconds before anything else*/


hihihi(BLACK, BLACK, 3, AlakazamOnline);
delay(40);
}

getch();
closegraph(); /*close graphics window*/
return 0;
}

void Bogeyman(struct BoomBoomBoom PikachuIchooseU[])
{
int i;
PikachuIchooseU[0].x1=PikachuIchooseU[3].x2=100;
PikachuIchooseU[0].y1=PikachuIchooseU[3].y2=100;
PikachuIchooseU[0].x2=PikachuIchooseU[1].x1=540;
PikachuIchooseU[0].y2=PikachuIchooseU[1].y1=100;
PikachuIchooseU[1].x2=PikachuIchooseU[2].x1=540;
PikachuIchooseU[1].y2=PikachuIchooseU[2].y1=380;
PikachuIchooseU[2].x2=PikachuIchooseU[3].x1=100;
PikachuIchooseU[2].y2=PikachuIchooseU[3].y1=380;


setcolor(GREEN);
for(i = 0; i<4 i="" p="">{
line(PikachuIchooseU[i].x1, PikachuIchooseU[i].y1, PikachuIchooseU[i].x2, PikachuIchooseU[i].y2);
}
}

void hihihi(int whatcoloramI, int fillWhatcoloramI, int dog, int dawg[])
{
setcolor(whatcoloramI);
setfillstyle(3, fillWhatcoloramI);
fillpoly(dog,dawg);

}

void Frodo(double meowmeow, float JamesBond, int KariAyam[])
{
double Spiderman;
double Cicakman;
int i;


JamesBond = JamesBond*PAIKIA/180;

Spiderman = meowmeow*cos(JamesBond);
Cicakman = meowmeow*sin(JamesBond);

for (i=0; i<6 i="" p="">{

if (i %2 == 0) KariAyam[i] += Spiderman;
else KariAyam[i] += Cicakman;

}

}

TJ

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

Thomas Jefferson

The Gift

The girl was intent on reading.

"So, why do you read only English books?" I asked.

She was lost for a moment. And she looked into nothingness, like many other times.

"So, why do you read only English books?" I repeated myself.

The nothingness drifted out, but lingered around somewhat.

"I like English books, just as.. I like to watch television." She answered. Or at least she thought she knew the answer.

"Oh. And why so?"

She frowned and thought deeply, very deeply.

"I like to watch television."

"Why?" I was curious, very curious.

"Other people like to watch television," She struggled.

"That's not proper."

She hesitated, then looked around.

"I.. I'm not sure."

"Alright."

Again there was none else in the room. I wasn't. All things were never past nor present. They were here, there, nowhere. Her mind was wandering through a...wall.

"Alright then." I said louder, in attempt to reaffirm my being. I'd certainly prove that I was more worthy than a mere wall. I mean, it was just a wall.

"Would you like me to give you your own reasons for liking to watch television?" I offered.

"Of course!" This time she made eye contact.

She would like to watch television because it was entertaining, I propounded.

"Okay. Yes, now I feel that it is entertaining."

I astutely took my chance at incentives.

"Would you like some sweets?" A little too cliche?

"No."

"Why?"

She won't eat sweets till the 26th of August, but she could eat sweets forever after that.

"That's fine. I'll save them till then."

And once again, I was one who wasn't, an apparition who may or may not have nudged the folds of reality.

Shaking embers

Winds; frantic tatters
Racking crimson pieces
Tearing naught but ceases
Ribs and heart; clawing chasms

Skies; dragon fire
Fortress scorched to ashes
Singed putrid fleshes
Screeches to heaven sing

Ancients, silent sages
Festering hearts of worms
Flashing shadows, beasts of storms
Heaven's exalted rages

Fetid, fallen faithful
Fiery winged wrath
Heathen's foul aftermath
Shreds of gnawed saints

The labyrinth is nigh

Do you desert me, venerable Strength? 

I bear reverence still, Ancient of Days

I am rallying the last sinew-

Expedite my deliverance! 

Convolution confounds-  

I negotiate its contortions,

The labyrinth is nigh,

I am wrung dry battling

I weep the nights,

Whisper on my knees; That

The words lose their meaning,

The yoke weighs heavy

In the dark I grapple; a foe,

Through his thrashing heart plunge the fiery cross

I writhe amid the crackle of blinding heat

I; of the heart in throes

The Tragedy of Desire

The world swamps to know me in my light

Flees from my darkness

Through them both You walk beside me, oh God

You alone remain; always

But I am tempted by beauty

I am tested and I stumble blind

I fall like a rock to the bottom of the ocean

Where is the fortitude I boast of?

I urgently call to You, Father!

Give me the strength to extricate myself 

Grant me the wisdom to seek You first and the world after

That I may not stray from the teachings of my youth

In my weakness Your grace never left me

Your love for me - a mere blip in the scheme of things

Transcends infinity

Yet resembles the simplicity of a child's

Can I truly declare You as my one desire?

How differently my soul professes!

Give me resilience in the battle of my mind

In the stillness of my soul, console me

If tomorrow never comes - Norma Cornett Marek

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly, and pray the Lord your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss, and call you back for just one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would tape each word and action, and play them back throughout my days
If I knew it would be the last time, I would spare an extra minute or two,
To stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you know I do.

So just in case tomorrow never comes, and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you, and I hope we never will forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day
That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss,
And you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear,
That you love them very much, and you'll always hold them dear.
Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "thank you" or "it's okay".
And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

-

I recently met someone who has a whole lot in common with me, where a slight inclination to poetry is one of them. It's not everyday that I meet people with the slightest bit of common ground with me and this is indeed a novelty.

2013: Year of Refinement

2013 just reeks of trial. Swarmed left, right, and centre. That's old news, I knew what I was getting into since the start. But I've not been truly facing them. In my prayers I have mostly been asking for certain things to be 'taken away' instead of praying for wisdom/strength to overcome them. I guess it's a cue that God will definitely not take them away until I've learnt this lesson. It just shows how much change is needed to my attitude, and I should expect even greater trials sent my way.

Solitude

I am one of the most blessed people on earth to have such great friends/family around. Not many have fostered close friendships since childhood, or being in countless situations where opportunities for forging such friendships abound. I was also brought up to care for the people around me. With the distance, it seems normal to feel homesick sometimes or loneliness due to a very community oriented upbringing. But, as I've recently share with dearest faithnoodles, this environment seemed to have influenced me to base my happiness on the presence and welfare of other people. I’m sure it isn't really a bad thing. But joy and happiness should be derived from God alone. I recently dealt with a breakup (still dealing with it), and this has caused me to rethink my position on quite a few things.

Among them is whether one truly ‘needs’ a partner. Compared to my web of logical explanation, Elaine said the same thing rather concisely: your other half complements you; but they do not complete you. I firmly believe that ideally we do not need anyone by our side. I am complete as I am in God. He already made me a standalone complete package; why should I ‘need’ someone? I may need God desperately, but that’s about all I should need. So, until one truly grasps that, one is not ready for a relationship. What I want this year is to find peace in solitude. The origin of naming this blog actually reflects that. To enter God’s sanctuary, you find a quiet place and whisper.  

Resolutions

Building from there, and the chapter by chapter posts, I actually do have some resolutions. Quite late but it’s okay. You spend more time sharpening your axe than hacking at the tree.

I will find the strength of solitude.

I will take a course of action rather than mull over the decision/decision making too long. I tend to plan and strategize a lot, but in 2013 I will take a swifter course of action rather than strategize the microns of a situation (which can never really be controlled anyway).

I will stop treating errands as burdens. They are necessary, rote tasks that allow interval time. They are a great way to expand my attention and extricate myself for a while.  

I will negate the delay in between actions. It’s not enough to take action, but to cut down on the time in between actions. In badminton, you don’t just time you shots and your footwork correctly, but you move immediately after you take a shot/decide it's not yours to take (doubles). This doesn't mean there won’t be recreational breathing space. With more efficient action taking it could well mean a ton more buffer time.

A day in 2013 has 86400 seconds.

Shiny Clouds

Be free little bird

I'm letting you go; I love you so

It shatters me, I know it shatters you 

But your sun must shine again

How I am in tatters trying to uncoil myself 

You, in every crevice of memory most sweet

But how can I keep you yet love you

How can I free you yet love again

Could sorrow be described in childish song; foolish poetry

In this scribbling of the boy with ideals

Shrouded now in prejudice 

of what the world ascribes to being a man

That which he stood against

Defiant to what is harsh and real

For the naivety of all things unconditional and lofty

How he succumbed 

May the powers that be watch over you and he now

Both were true as shiny clouds floating by

But the blue skies over the rainbow where they truly belong

Are not the blue skies this world feigns

The Life Event Chapter 3: That Girl

You acknowledge the heartbreaks in life. They provide valuable lessons, albeit bitter sweet memories. She will always be special. Always. One cannot simply wipe clean 2 most crucial years where she was there through thick and thin. It’s funny that I had always thought it was the big values that mattered most. Love. Trust. Respect. Honour. Yet in the end, it was the little things that asserted their say in whether 2 people are meant for each other.

  

After struggling for months, now, wearily and haggardly, I am allowing myself to be human. I am humbled to know that I wasn’t strong enough to take the unconditional leapt. After stripping away so much of the outer layer, there is an inner layer to my core that I just could not compromise. I’ve come to terms that it’s actually fine to have certain expectations of a life partner. It’s part of being human and acknowledging that I’m not perfect, where yearning  for a life partner who would complement values and weaknesses rather than have them constantly tested doesn’t make me a terrible person.

I believe we both have changed for the better. We went as close as possible as we could, changed a heck lot of things about ourselves but couldn’t quite get there in the end. In fact, we did spend a long time bashing our heads against the wall; refusing to believe that it didn’t work. The irony is we didn’t face as many problems as most couples. It was only in the big ‘M’ word where unresolvable issues cropped up, and fully believing that God would only give us the best fit, we decided that we weren’t it. We can take solace in the fact that we were two genuine people who tried every means to make it work and were true to each other till the end. It is definitely comforting to our conscience, yet it remains the cause of most sadness, with a slightly beautiful quality about it.

But who knows what will happen in 5-10 years? Would we have seen enough of the world, take a turn around, look way back at each other from different sides of the globe and smile knowingly? Perhaps we’ll never cross paths again, that the last I’d seen of her was before she returned to her hometown. The day I sent her off at the airport with her ponytail and bag (there and then, I’d never known that could be the last). But, I want to believe that what is yours will be yours in the end, no matter how far you run, and what isn’t yours will never be.

But for now, to love and to cherish is also to let go =)

The Life Event Chapter 2: Debate Declassified

It's hard to fathom that the day actually came when the curtains closed on debate. It seems to be just yesterday when I walked through Mdm C's door for the first time. An innocent, well meaning freshie. I've known debate since...I don't exactly remember. It made and ruined me. Ruined first, with horrifically inept judging in high school competitions. Enter university, where I bared my teeth and went crazy. Everyone around was nuts. We trained 2 sessions a day (sometimes morning, afternoon, and night) before competition and always had a follow up late night coffee shop banter. The actual debate only ever began after the adjudication - at intense arguments past midnight over a cup of milopeng in some dim coffeeshop. We argued everywhere. While waiting in the car, over lunch. Seniors threw us into the fire. Iron man-ing all 3 speaker roles vs 3 other state prospects. Building cases with a 5 min prep time, presenting them, having another motion thrown at you straight after; and another; and another; and another. Until your brain explodes, but only you never allowed it. Nowadays people want 'fun' debates, which is understandable, since they are not nutcases. I was from the time when we, well, we went to sessions hungry and wolfish and scary like YEAH MAN LET'S DO THIS LET'S GO IT'S SERIOUS BIZ. And we were a tight bunch, always sitting together in the libraries or at lunch. It sometimes got to the point of absurdity when say, 14 debaters insisted on squeezing into an 8 person table. But those moments made me smile.

It was also the first time I drank, built up my non-existent confidence with girls. Did some pretty crazy stuff too (for someone like me at the time). Who'd have known that as part of a dare, I'd be able to walk up to a random girl and put forward the brazen line "Will you be my girlfriend?" only to be rattled just as much with the reply "YES" with an unwavering look in the eye. Though that, was at an international tournament and debaters are infinitely more open and confident than the average girl. Strangely enough, against all logic, broaching the same proposal on a first date with another girl garnered a puzzling no. I've yet to engineer a working model for that (she being not a debater just made it harder! =P). Just don't do that. Don't. Ah. Times that make you look back and puzzle over how you actually got yourself up for it.

Some moments I'd never wish to revisit. The crazy politics, confrontation. The painful growing phase as president of a colourful community. One with the brightest, most eccentric students, yes. But also one with the most sophisticated, sneaky, charming, persuasive, sly, fretful, angsty, scheming, elitist, and narcissistic members. More drama then the drama club. And there was no 'acting' involved in ours. I'll never forget how long it took to bring to obsolescence that infamous label the club carried: "They're rich, arrogant, and drive fast cars". Or how we needed to clarify our coziness with the council (because...strangely enough, we were the council).

And there was more than one conspiracy theory associated with us. My attempt at recruiting a 13 year old genius to the club resulted in a report to the student council president. The Pres was one of us, and he claimed to have been tipped off that we were an 'evil organization trying to abduct'. Is imagination proportionate to intelligence? I think so =). I still wonder which part of my elevator pitch gave that impression. One valuable lesson was learnt during the time when we were behind the fight against charging for the student car park (backing the council president as he was one of us. Yet turning against him later when agendas got awry, but that's a lengthy story on it's own). We eventually lost and I realized how useless arguing semantics was in the real world. As someone I can't be bothered to google said, in the end, it's all politics.

The Warren Harding error (click for explanation)

The Warren Harding error is an idea of Malcolm Gladwell, who first wrote about it in his book 'Blink'.  I won't bother to explain it myself here as my readers (3?) will be well acquainted with the idea. During my stay, I learnt more about the world, but one of the most notable lessons was to observe an innate bias in humans towards certain traits. How we primitively make judgements according to very outward features. There was a scenario when I flew to an all girls school to conduct a training session/publicize our tournament. After a mock debate with one of my friends who was notably 'tall, dark, and handsome' and had a nice timbre in his voice vs me (guy who wears specs, nuf said), the attuned judges gave a 7-0 verdict in my favour. The entire hall of girls, however, gave it unanimously to my friend. It was then I believed that this error had meaningful grounds. Humankind does recognize a deeper voice as 'alpha' coupled with physical features. While it was amusing in a high school setting, I'm prepared to know that in real life, it may even be depressing. However, God has vindicated me every single time; and I believe He will do so when I am released into the world.

Debate taught me not to judge (for some it works the other way). It showed me that winning and losing together in a team forges rock solid friendship (especially when it's 'serious biz'). You gotta work with each other and strive to avoid the culture of blaming. I owe debate a huge chunk of my inner circle of beautiful people. Thank you!

And so, I bring this chapter of my life to closure. It was great while it lasted. Thank you for changing my life, SDC. I will never forget the friends I have made, the valuable lessons I have learned.

The Life Event Chapter 1: The Family

This is a new era. I find myself sprinting away from my comfort zone as far as I can. For one, I do not regret having chose a university close to home. There were certain respects that I needed to mature in. Didn't miss much either, I did travel more frequently than the typical student for debate/engineering competitions (sometimes up to 6 times a year). It's ironic that after all that 5000m training in MSSM, my race is now to run like heck away from idleness and comfort. 

86400 seconds in a day, and every one of those seconds could lead you to a completely different life story, depending on the decisions you make. Would you take the plunge? Would you jump off that cliff and build your wings on the way down; would you take on that seemingly impossible application; would you ask the girl of your dreams out? I am done with over-weighing a cost-benefit analysis in finding the answers to these decisions. I want to focus on making the decisions rather than mull over the process. I feel genuine repulsion in introspecting about the yes/no answers to such questions rather than taking action towards either one of them as immediately possible; and as efficiently possible.

Decisions that lead to a whole new different life. 

All three brothers will not meet face to face for the years to come, and the sight of our parents will become a once a year phenomenon. It has been a miracle and huge blessing that all of us have/had our education sponsored by the state. I did not doubt the prophecy years ago by one of my teachers, but when things like this come to pass, it still makes you wonder. My parents are sure trying to adjust to a new phase of life as well. From having 3 absolute monkeys thrashing about in the menagerie for 22 years they are left with an empty nest. I do hear about changes in lifestyle. Long walks in the park. Finally able to NOT tighten their belts and eat in favourite restaurants. They are doing more gardening. Way to go! It's their time now.