The Life Event Chapter 3: That Girl

You acknowledge the heartbreaks in life. They provide valuable lessons, albeit bitter sweet memories. She will always be special. Always. One cannot simply wipe clean 2 most crucial years where she was there through thick and thin. It’s funny that I had always thought it was the big values that mattered most. Love. Trust. Respect. Honour. Yet in the end, it was the little things that asserted their say in whether 2 people are meant for each other.

  

After struggling for months, now, wearily and haggardly, I am allowing myself to be human. I am humbled to know that I wasn’t strong enough to take the unconditional leapt. After stripping away so much of the outer layer, there is an inner layer to my core that I just could not compromise. I’ve come to terms that it’s actually fine to have certain expectations of a life partner. It’s part of being human and acknowledging that I’m not perfect, where yearning  for a life partner who would complement values and weaknesses rather than have them constantly tested doesn’t make me a terrible person.

I believe we both have changed for the better. We went as close as possible as we could, changed a heck lot of things about ourselves but couldn’t quite get there in the end. In fact, we did spend a long time bashing our heads against the wall; refusing to believe that it didn’t work. The irony is we didn’t face as many problems as most couples. It was only in the big ‘M’ word where unresolvable issues cropped up, and fully believing that God would only give us the best fit, we decided that we weren’t it. We can take solace in the fact that we were two genuine people who tried every means to make it work and were true to each other till the end. It is definitely comforting to our conscience, yet it remains the cause of most sadness, with a slightly beautiful quality about it.

But who knows what will happen in 5-10 years? Would we have seen enough of the world, take a turn around, look way back at each other from different sides of the globe and smile knowingly? Perhaps we’ll never cross paths again, that the last I’d seen of her was before she returned to her hometown. The day I sent her off at the airport with her ponytail and bag (there and then, I’d never known that could be the last). But, I want to believe that what is yours will be yours in the end, no matter how far you run, and what isn’t yours will never be.

But for now, to love and to cherish is also to let go =)